we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

Rachel, I have a child in the same situation. The argument is that Im on birth control. is not the same as I will not get pregnant from this sexual encounter. You know how babies are made. Even if she was on birth control. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. And at 40 years of age, he should know how babies are made and if he didnt want kids, maybe he should have considered getting snipped? Talk about malarky. me and my boyfriend dated 3 years ago for a year. But that doesnt mean she has the right to be angry at this man either. He still has to pay. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. And I do commend him for providing financial support. In my opinion, a deadbeat leaves his child, abandons the mother, and offers no financial support. As for you LW, Im not even sure exactly what youre asking. That means from a mental, obvious, and circumstantial standpoint, the girl is at the disadvantage. We ended up keeping in touch for months and talked about working things out. It just doesnt mean that everything will be acceptable whole-heartedly. Would you tell the parents that you would gladly pay for the funeral, but you want nothing else to do with what happened, and that you are going to go live your life like nothing did? Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill.. Then how does the woman get off requiring the man to do it? For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. Is it fair that in cases where neither the man nor the woman wants to continue a pregnancy, only the woman has to undergo a medical proceedure (or even when they want to carry to term for that matter)? She wants to abort Jimmys baby. lets_be_honest Respect her decision. Men still lose here, because if theyre they one who wants the child, tough luck, but thats the way it is. That is what passes for reality in your world? April 9, 2012, 8:26 pm. If she doesnt, DO NOT have sex with her. I wouldnt want to hang around to find out. Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. Everyone in this situation sounds like they belong on Jerry Springer. Blowjobs are a practice in breath holding and gag reflex control, and my jaw ends up hurting pretty badly if I do it for long enough. And they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. If he doesnt own up to his part in creating a child, sorry, I think hes a jerk. That was his choice, but what hes done is made you feel sorry for him. I understand that there are many times when adoption is the best choice. Chuck Pelto At conception there is a zygote, then an embryo and then a fetus. Its ironic that some of the same people who fire off insults left and right on this forum, feel so offended when someone simply disagrees with them. I also think hes kind of a jerk for having sex with someone he cant stand. Understand that he will not leave her for you. So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? Clearly it is horribly wrong to lie about that but thats not the argument here. Your are putting words into peoples mouths. from the letter: I dont think she should have any sort of legal say about the decision to keep the baby, but I dont think shes committing some horrendous crime for judging it. he delivers the baby from the nursery to your house. Problem. Is that your position, or am I misinterpreting it? April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. Like getting child support is easy. This gets to the basic conflict. . Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. female You really have no idea what child support means. Thats what responsible men who want to have sex with women and dont want children do. If you have any self respect, dump the sob. You do know that birth control isnt 100% effective, right? While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. How about if I choose to opt out of THAT? Just sayin. This whole thing could have been prevented that way. For all we know, he used a condom and thought she was on the pill. Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. Youre fucking advocating that brilliantly fool-proof method?! Because the bf in question was part of the creation of the child. We were on and off for few months, and during that time we both dated other people. Now, I highly doubt the LWs boyfriends baby mother to be is psychotic as my friends former hook up. Do you have a law to fix that? They shouldnt just play house for the sake of the kid. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. Should you be frustrated at the situation? Jess of CGW Your constant blatant disregard for others is increasingly more and more shocking Plus it is only the heteros that are so steadfast and determined to keep fucking people like me over and over All the while, claiming they want smaller government Then get the FUCK out of my bedroom and out of my fucking life. April 9, 2012, 5:17 pm. Since most of the people here seem to be pretty strong advocates of womens right to choose, to be treated equally, and so on and I agree with those stances it seems backwards, odd, and a double standard to say that men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be and that they should have no say whatsoever in that. You are the one who is keeping this rollercoaster of a relationship going with him. As far as your relationship with him. You deserve each other! April 10, 2012, 6:32 pm. April 9, 2012, 3:44 pm. Because it doesnt work that way around here and everyone knows it. This surprises you? I think hes an asshole for sleeping with a woman he cant stand without using a condom. Think of the children. April 10, 2012, 12:45 pm. I get what youre saying. What a laugh. The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. SpaceySteph she didn't know that she's pregnant after in 4 month later. Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). You deserve more than you are getting but if you accept less you will get less! In a feature I call Your Turn, in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, Im presenting the following letter without commentary from me: I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. I take it, then, that your position is that a man should never ever have sex unless hes either (a) sterile, or (b) willing to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, but that a woman has those choices but also can opt for an abortion and so can opt out of the obligation of a child. But there is a happy ending to this story. If youre going to call anyone a slut, Chuck (which you shouldnt, its really very rude) why not the dude who slept with someone he cant stand and got her pregnant? I actually work in a field that deals with this, and let me tell you, the women who are actually applying for court ordered child support will be lucky to get $400 a month. Sleeping without protection with someone who you knew for two minutes ? Im not sure. And the children are either damned or murdered. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. Trap Red Flag #1. Absolutely, positively, 100% wrong. I blocked his number, but 2-3 weeks laterhe was calling me from his job, calling me through Facebook, and calling me from a private number. Hes probably the worlds most prolific internet commenter. Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. She may have just dumped his ass and now he wants to temporarily get back with LW and knows what to say. Sure sure you have sex, theres always the possibility of a child. Sometimes the reasons are clear, such as frequent arguments, lack of interest, and abuse. Of course it is, but we have no way of knowing that the other woman was lying about that. Who actually uses cod wollop, malarky and scroat? I think shes nothing but a little scroat. Does he think hes too old to be a dad? female Youre only asking for heartache down the road. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallopBut I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. OK, this is going to be longer than it should, but I have reactions to several things. Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. The carpenter asks his brother to impregnate his wife via IVF using the carpenters sperm. April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. Im not saying I think he should get any sort of say in it, but why are we so quick to deride his emotional response to an accidental life-altering event that, in his mind, could have been corrected, but isnt going to be due to someone elses decision? I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. Some people are correct that the LWs anger is displaced. There is no rhyme or reason. lets_be_honest Having a man use that as his birth control would be as idiotic as a women using dont worry, Ill just pull out as hers. I could hypothesize all day and comment on all kinds of things that might be happening but theres enough crap in this letter that it hardly seems necessary to make any up. LOL What? April 10, 2012, 7:00 pm, If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her.. Well, ok. We judge people all the time where our judgment has absolutely no effect on the outcome, we arent participants in the issue and no one gives a crap what we think. April 9, 2012, 9:56 pm. Its fucking unfair. Dude, thats seriously out of line. It is my argument that only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created. Youre more than welcome. Women why do we allow men to sleep with us while they are drunk again..my god.I wont say dont continue your relationship but it will be hard. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallop. he said this is not gonna ruin us, ReginaRey He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. Hell, given the entitlement and lack of boundaries displayed in your letter, itll probably be your life no matter what. Now? But cest la vie. That is called deception. And if so, Im ready. lets_be_honest And oxygen. And maybe she is a harlot of sorts. Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. Fyrebyrd2 Fury at the woman he impregnated is misdirected. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. Also I disagree with the logic that if you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. 6napkinburger Their choice, honey. April 9, 2012, 11:00 am. female Tell you what sunshine I promise that when men carry the children you all can decide about terminating the pregnancy too irrespective of your partners wants then we will have that equality you want so bad. Because last I checked, saying dramatic things like we cant bear to live without each other was reserved for 16-year-old fans of poorly-written vampire romances. just like anyone else we were shocked given i was on bc & for me abortion/adoption was just out of the question . This is so hard for me. You have to be mature and know what is best for you. But if that rape victim gave birth to the child, dropped it on the rapists doorstep and left, its highly probable that the law would pursue her for child support. 1. the baby is not your fault. bittergaymark If she did not use protection with him, or ask him to get tested when they got back together, that is no fault of his, imo. He gets a girl pregnant and then tells her to get rid of it because its an inconvenience for him to have to deal with it? Why would you want a future with someone that could do something like that? I dont think that this necessarily has to end you, but I would think long and hard about continuing to be involved with a 40 year old man who is unable to take responsibility for his actions. Oh, good lord. ele4phant Its as simple as saying you are on the pill when you arent. By the way, there was no implication that it makes it easy for the woman to get child support. As for the STDs nobody is saying that you shouldnt have sex because you could get them, they are saying that if you are going to have unprotected sex, and then sleep with a different person after that, you at the very least owe it to them, to tell them that you did this, and if they ask, you should get tested. Its easier just to blame her and act like hes an innocent victim, but hes not. There has to be a reason behind all this vitriol. female So the law says, hey, you two created this child, you two are responsible for supporting it. She cant afford a child on her own. 10. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. I just feel sorry for the pregnant girl. Im pretty surprised by some of the stances shes made on this thread and I do enjoy and almost always agree with her comments. Now. I think whatever scorn youre heaping onto this woman you should deal evenly to your boyfriend. That could very well be true I just tried to answer the letter as if whatever the LW said had some truth to it (like that the other woman was having the baby to purposely lure the guy into a relationship with her, etc.) It is never the unborn childs fault. This LW really doesnt get a say in the matter, true, but if I were her Id take one look at the boyfriends actions and attitudes and dump him. But then it really IS all about needless solidarity on here as of late to be sure. Sue Jones Reminds me of that one post about a girl's ex boyfriend getting a girl pregnant, but it wasn't actually his, and he was infertile. But they should try and work together to create a decent life for the child it does not have to be in a relationship with one another though. It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. 4. Do you want to talk about how a baby is made? But let me make a few suggestions Steve. Thank God for the real men. I dont mean to gush but seriously LBH, I respect you and your opinions a lot on the matter and thanks for making me question my gut responses a bit with your candor! I almost lost the fingers on my right hand from it. Steve Kellmeyer Loved this guy, things were not working out, cos he was fucking around with other girls. But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). Why is he such a scummy, awful human being because hes angry with the way this has worked out that hell be on the hook for another human being until who knows when? Because women are always unfairly saddled with the burden of child birth, we will always be the ones who make the choices about whats going on in our own bodies. I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. No matter what happens, if you open a bottle of coca-cola and it explodes, taking off your arm in the process, Coke pays you damages for it. Id argue the country is not any better off for it, either. He had a FWB relationship with a girl and always used condoms. Wow RR, I like it when you get angry. And how do you know you wouldnt do the same thing she is? He could have also said he wants the baby, and the LW is lying. That is the point when an intelligent person makes their decision. We need to rebuild our trust, but I cant trust the situation because he cheated on me with her. April 9, 2012, 1:10 pm. But I agree no one should tell anyone what they can and cant do with their own bodies. im not disagreeing with you. Why do you think that is? Because she does not have the right to waive support for the child. The research on on-again/off-again couplesthose that break up and get back together multiple timesindicates that some of the most common reasons for getting back together with an ex include . Ill have mine draw up the paperwork for licensing fees. If you cant live with those outcomes, dont have sex with her. In my experience, both men and women tend to blame their romantic competitor for everything, no matter where the fault lies (have you ever seen the Jerry Springer show?). Not to say that a single mother cannot give a child the support she needs alone, but as the father if you wash your hands of being in the childs life, you do not KNOW or even have a reasonable expectation (especially if shes a one night stand youve only known for 2 minutes) that the mother will be a sufficient parent. Any advice for me?Signed, AnonymousDear Sis,News Flash: This man is not and has never been your man. I agree with you, as well. Well said I was like, is this letter for real? the whole time I was reading it. His character and judgment are awful. But I think that both people have equal responsibility and equal rights in expressing a view. bittergaymark So, in other words, RR, it is a noble thing to give your child to strangers in the hope that he or she is treated well (that the adoptive parents wont abuse them, wont get divorced in a messy way, wont let them fend for themselves, and so on), even though youll have no interaction with that child again, but it is base and vile to have the same lack of interaction but to provide financial support which doesnt in any way affect the mothers ability to find a partner that is right for her. Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. Why he would be furious with anyone other than himself is beyond me. He has an obligation to use condoms until he is in a committed relationship to prevent unwanted pregnancy and to prevent HIMSELF from contracting an STD (and thus spreading it around). I know you may not have that much faith in women based on your comments (here and on previous posts) but just look at what the women on this page have written. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum? RunsWithScissors We judge what people wear (what on earth was she thinking?? John Rohan That line of reasoning is fine but condescending only for those who never in their entire lives have ever done anything that might have resulted in something unexpected (and unwanted) happening. He chose to not wear a condom and now he has to be responsible for his choice. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. BC. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum?. Im not saying its a trivial thing, but its nothing compared to birth. I-RIGHT-I BTW, believe it or not, I usually agree with the majority of the commenters here. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. Abortion and adoption are both horrifying thoughts to Susie but she has no choice. He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. 5) What bothers me more than anything is the LWs attitude. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? I think hes scum because hes furious with the girl he impregnated. In the case where a woman goes to prison because she raped a kid, you can bet theyre going to hit her up for child support too. If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. Hey I have a novel idea. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy. I know, right? Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. Really!? BACKFIRES! He has made it clear that he wants a pregnancy to be terminated. Do you know how much day care alone is a month? April 11, 2012, 2:00 am, John Rohan I ended up feeling sorry him, and I started talking to him again, but2 weeks laterhe said the pregnant girl was threatening to hurt herself and he was going to be with her and that he cared too much about her and his unborn child to not try to work it out. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. Both sexes suffer from inequalities in the reproductive process due to biology. Meaning, a woman SHOULD ask the guy who knocked her up what he would like. And I think the LW is just as much of an ass or whatever other word you want to insert as the bf in question. Oh boy. You sure arent one. honeybeenicki P.S. Is it any wonder that 40% of the kids born today are bastards? But, you allowed him to call and you were hoping he had changed. -Tried to pressure her into getting an abortion When you give your child up for adoption, you are giving him or her to people who really want a child and are prepared financially and emotionally to give that child support. I think the LW comes across as bitter and resentful and would rather blame the other woman, making her out to be the villain, than to admit that she and her ex really might not belong together. This dude barebacked some girl, knocked her up, demanded she abort, and then said he wouldnt take responsibility for his child. So, really, I guess I disagree with the majority of the comments here. Dr. Sherry. And you want to marry this guy because.why? By nothing to do with their lifestyle choices do you mean never put it in her because I dont think we make men pay child support to women they have not had sex with. I dont think a relationship with the other woman will work but at the same time Id run from a man who wants nothing to do with their own child. bittergaymark Thats the way it has to be. Thats seriously not cool. Scenario 2. Guy Friday Idiots like the guy in the letter, dont. In most cases a child has been brought into the world consensually, and so both parents should be obligated to support that child. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. I mean every word! John Rohan Whether that be by having the child, supporting the child, adoption, abortion, whatever. Grow the fuck up! I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH*Hylton's family vlog - https://youtu.be/pV11uGFaESsItz The Taylor's - https://youtu.be/8hVLcR1kvrsSUBSCRI. Answer (1 of 11): I am an older lady. I think that is a pretty bad guess with how this guys attitude is towards things, and how badley he wants nothing to do with the child. You want some advice? Any complications from the abortion would be hers to bear, not his. Id confirm that hes actually the father. No reason to pass that one along to future generations, Rachelgrace53 This man seems to be both irresponsible and immature so be glad you can move on and not be stuck with him. 50 percent of babies are unplanned, and that includes married couples using contraception. Yes, its shitty. iseeshiny But in that case, taking the pill you know that youre supposed to use a back up method while on ATB. But, are you willing to pay for his mistakes. April 9, 2012, 7:03 pm, Wait, whoops, no. Has a great job. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. Considering how often it is done on daytime television, I am shocked to find out that a paternity test is so damn hard to procure. im just annoyed that so many people (at least many of the LWs here) act as if birth control or std prevention isnt something they need to worry about. You moved and hoped he would come chasing you. But sometimes, we don't even realize just how painful they are until after they've happened, and the person you love . lets_be_honest Tough shit. So long as he isnt raping people, who are you to say he has no right to have unprotected sex? The choice to get pregnant was mutual. This isnt about a child who has been born and who has needs. Trying to force someone to get an abortion? If theres anyone whos unfairly been put in this mess, its not you its the baby. Also, it delights me that you base your assumptions on general human behavior on the Jerry Springer Show. He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. When you two were engaged, he cheated and had a child by another woman. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. React. I also think that some LWs after reading the comments change there stories in the updates to try to save face though. When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. If this is the case with this woman, then she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. Dont let him use you because his life is in chaos now. I really only mean exactly what I said. Here are five hard truths every "other woman" should know: 1. He does have a responsibility towards this baby, whether he likes it or not. (yes, I know, lifes unfair). And my opinion doesnt change whether youre prepared to have a kid. 2.6K views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 44 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Wildheart: **Miracle Baby Or Mistaken Baby- Man Denies Having Baby With Wife (Full Episode) - Paternity Court **. Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that. After that, its not your choice anymore. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy How generous of you. I have no idea why you two took a break if you cant live without each other, but honestly, neither one of you is mature enough to be in a committed relationship.

Juvenile Intervention Program Riverside County, Articles W